Crazy Helicopter mom

I am back in workshops this week (after a lovely Girls Adventure Weekend, filled with camping, laughing, lots of yummy food, water skiing, fireworks, and fantastic weather) and so far so good- all is going well. Though it's only Tuesday, and things always look good on Tuesday, it's not until Thursday that we really start panicking.
Anyway, all was well until I got a call from crazy helicopter mom. It started normally enough- she wanted to make sure she knew what time the show was on Friday. And then after a little more chatting, she wanted to know how and when we assigned parts. Innocently, I told her (we don't do formal auditions since this particular group is all of 6 yrs old, but we do a little reading and a little singing, and go with what the teachers think will be best) and when she asked, I further told her what part her daughter had been given. Big mistake. Mama lost her head when she found out her little princess was going to be Uncle Henry and not Dorothy or Toto. She went on and on about how her daughter was going to be so disappointed that she didn't get one of the parts she wanted. AND she had to *gasp* play a boy. This was going to scar her and keep her from doing any theatre or dance for the.rest.of.her.life.
I will mention that the daughter took her part in stride, did not appear to be upset or disappointed and in fact was excited that she got to be part of the tornado.
The mom went on and on - she was under the mistaken impression that students got to pick which part they wanted. Uh, no. And we never promise anything even close to that. I mean seriously, if we let the kids pick, I'd have 15 Dorothys and 6 Totos. She was very circular in her arguments and was trying to trip me up (a lawyer maybe?) she went so far as to say we were "bullying" -because we let them think they were getting to pick their parts and then taking that away, and then we were "discriminating" - because some kids did get the part that they wanted. Yeah lady, that is called luck of the draw. Someone does have to be Dorothy you know.
OMG, it was infuriating. Especially since the daughter had not yet expressed ANY disappointment and it all really boiled down to the MOM not being happy that her princess didn't get to be Dorothy. I really tried to emphasize that what we do is all about being a team and working together and not making a "star". And that in theatre, as in life, sometimes you are a little disappointed, but you suck it up and move on. She didn't get it at all.
She then started threatening to drop, "Well, if she doesn't come back tomorrow, we will get a full refund right?"
Me: "Well let's not cross that bridge unless we have to." = HELL no you won't.
Tried to corner me on that 3 or 4 times. Then she wanted to come and observe class. Yeah, over my dead body. She questioned my teaching staff (2 teachers = 45 years of combined experience teaching dance and singing to children. I think I am well covered there.) Questioned my experience (I recently realized I've been teaching there for 10 years) and was basically a pill for nearly 30 minutes! Such a waste of time.
She wanted to come in and meet us at the end of class (which she could have easily done without requesting it, but whatever.) I spent the rest of the afternoon preparing my "don't let the door hit ya on the way out" speech. Since really- parents like this are rarely worth the time, effort or stress to keep. They will never be happy. They may ruin the show for the other kids. They are just not worth the headache, let them go be someone else's problem.
But of course, when she showed up, she was not nearly as ballsy in person as she was on the phone. (Dude says she saw I was a redhead and knew that she was going to have to back off ;)
Still whiney and complaining, but at least admitted that her daughter seemed perfectly fine and not at all disappointed. (Poor thing. She probably knows all too well how her mom behaves.)

Anyway- I am pretty happy with how I stood up to her. I didn't let her call us names or tell me how to run my school. I even got in a couple of zingers and good lines in. Of course, there is still a good chance that I will never see them again, but we just have to wait and see.

It's a good thing I get to work with more really great parents and families than the jerky ones.