Dear Lady who's garage sale I attended last Friday-
$8 is too much to ask for used children's clothing. It doesn't matter if your child's old clothes are all name brand. It doesn't matter that you have matched them into little sets. They are still used. They still look worn. No one is going to pay $8 for something they could get brand new at Target for less. (Ok, maybe someone will, but it won't be me sister.) I'm sorry if you paid $30 + for them in the first place, but you are not going to make any of that money back. Try E-bay.
Dear Ass-
You are on notice. I am mad that you couldn't fit into some of the clothes at the clothing exchange. Especially those jeans that are the size you used to be. You missed out on some cute stuff. It's no longer working out between us. Consider this your written eviction notice.
Dear Daughter,
I love you, you are adorable - But please stop throwing food on the floor. Also? I know you are sometimes frustrated, but less whining and crying would be lovely. Thanks.
Love, Mom
p.s. Your dad says to stop leaving cheerios on his side of the bed.
Dear Dog,
What is your deal? You are too good for the kibble now? You have gourmet tastes? Or is something really wrong with you? Could you please give us a clue?
Dear Ulysses,
Thanks for the great massage. I pink puffy heart your hot stone technique. I'll be back.
Dear Husband,
Thanks for being secure enough to listen to my raving about Ulysses and his hot stone technique. xoxo
Dear Neighbors,
I think you are going to have to lower your asking price on your house. I don't think it's going to sell for that much. You do have nice wood floors though.
May 20, 2007
Open Letters
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4 comments:
Thank you for the wonderful stuff in the middle of the night. Makes for good reading while rocking fussy baby and singing her Beatles songs.
oh AKJ....you should hire yourself out as an open letter writer.
i need the following letters:
1) grey hairs sprouting on my head
2) odd smell coming from under the kitchen sink
3) lunch truck guy who REFUSES to drive the 50 yards down to my office and makes me walk to meet him at the end of the road
send me a bill
It's like you just took all my thoughts and threw them out into the universe! Especially the one with your daughter throwing things on the floor and the whining,,, oh God, the whining,,, make it stop!
Love the whole post!
Ooh! Great idea! I think I might steal it & write some of my own. Like to my left boob re: please stop leaking all over the place. Right boob does not go overboard - why must you?
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