Parents Drive me Crazy

So, I had a new term start on Saturday, which means new kids in my classes. I went up by about 8 students so can't complain about that!
About a week or so before classes were to start, I had one mom call and ask me a few questions and then she admitted that her son was "a bit nervous" about starting class. He was really interested, but scared. No problem I said, bring him along the first day, make sure you come a little early and I can introduce you to the teachers, show you the classrooms, and get you both all settled. I told her there would be other new kids too, and if after the first day her son decided he didn't like it, or it wasn't what he expected, that was ok- they weren't committed. Really, I say this all the time on the phone. And I get it- starting a new thing is intimidating.

She then sent me a follow up e-mail, she and her son had discussed it all and he was back to feeling excited about class. Great.

First day of class rolls around on Saturday. (and because I am a procrastinator, I am operating on very little sleep). Class starts at 10am- she calls at 9am to say that "It's not going to work out. Luke isn't going to take the class." What??? Are you sure you don't even want to stop by? See what it's like? He doesn't have to stay if he doesn't want to... Nope. She won't do it. Actually refuses because she doesn't want to "scar him or anything."

THEN, in the weirdest move ever, she puts the kid on the phone "because he wants to say 'hello'." What the hell? I am not his dang auntie or something! Why does he want to say "hello" to ME?

Literally, this kid says, "Hello"
Me: uh Hi Luke. Sorry I won't see you today... uh... is there anything that would change your mind? Do you have any questions?
Mom gets back on the phone.
Mom: No, no he's fine, he is just not ready for this. Maybe we could come visit class sometime?
Me: Well, today would be good...
Mom: (laughs nervously because she thinks I am kidding) Oh ha ha, maybe in a few weeks?
I told her to e-mail me and we could set up a time. I know, I just know that she is just going to show up some week out of the blue and expect to be shown around. My luck, it will be the day I have a substitute teacher or a dress rehearsal or some other calamity going on. Gah.

So obviously, there is something else going on here. I wish I could say this is the first time something like this has happened, but it's not, and hey, at least this one had the decency to call. But I just do not get how parents will pay me money for a class and then just not show up. I mean, why put everyone through the hassle?
It sounds like her son has some anxiety and is uncomfortable in new situations. I get that. I was that kid. I also have kids in class who are on medication for similar situations. We advertise that our program helps build self-confidence and self-esteem (and we do!) so it's natural that we will get kids that need that service. But by not even showing up on the first day - and the mom caving in to his fear, she has just ratcheted his anxiety up to a whole new level. With her actions, she essentially told him
1) new things are too scary for you
2) trying new things is too hard for you, and you can't do it.

It's only by trying and succeeding in new situations that poor Luke will ever have the chance to build any confidence. Can I guarantee a successful first class? No, but I sure can stack the deck. Maybe he wasn't ready to stay for the whole class, but at least have him stop by to observe. Make him come in to say "hello" in person. There is only so much that you as a parent can do, at some point you have to say, "I know you're scared, and that is ok, but I also know you can do this, let's go." A few tears are very common, someone almost always cries on the first day. They almost always leave smiling.

Who knows. Maybe it's not even about the kid, maybe it's all the mom. 9 times out of 10, the moms I see are way way more anxious than the kids.

And this particular little boy was 6, almost 7 years old. So, old enough to be doing some things on his own. This wasn't his first class away from mom or anything. It's a little more understandable when they are only 4, and they maybe haven't been to kindergarten or anything yet. But a kid who is old enough to say, "Yes, this is something I want to do" -well, in my book, he needs to at least try the first class. The former boss-man would say they are not a family I want anyway- too many headaches in the long run. As usual, he is probably right.