I was recently in a conversation with a parent and a young child and the mom introduced me as "Mrs. Lastname". Oh ha ha, I laughed, assuring the mom that *really* wasn't necessary and that really, everyone just calls me Jen- parents and students and other young children I know. Well the mom politely explained that she really wanted to instill a sense of politeness and respect in her children and would "Miss/Ms. Jen" be alright instead. She was very sincere and asked kindly. Sure, I said, I am called that sometimes anyway. Which is true, we often use Miss First name at class- but not always and it's not enforced. And I really leave it up to each teacher what they would like to be called, but most are just fine with just First name or Ms/Mr First name. I think it's partially because we are in the arts, (and therefore less formal) and partially because we are a weekend program, not a school.
January 27, 2009
Miss Jackson if you're nasty
But it left me wondering what other parents do and what I wanted to teach my own children and how those lines are drawn. So far, Attila's teachers have been Miss First name (or this summer, they were Big and Little because of a shared name. I always feel bad for the "big" in a set like that though...). There are a couple of my friends that I/we refer to as Miss Friend, but that is only because I do that anyway. (I don't really know how it started, but sometimes it's just fun and it fits). Most of the time, even when talking to Attila, I just use first names; "We're going to Pusher's house". So far, she hasn't really had to address her friend's parents by name, and we usually just say "Suzie's Mom", but there will be a time when she does start to do that and I am not sure how to handle it. What about neighbors? What about other adults she might know?
I am trying to remember what we did growing up- and I seem to remember it was a lot of first names. My day care lady was first name, my parent's friends were first name, my friend's parents were first name- it was only if I didn't know them very well that they were Mr or Mrs Last name. For example, my grandparent's neighbors (we were at my grandparent's house a lot) but they were always Mr & Mrs Jorgenson.
What do you do? How did you grow up? What do you prefer?
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5 comments:
Personally, I think it's best to teach them to say Ms/Mr Last Name for an older person or someone they aren't close with. It's just more polite. The "elder" can then tell them to just use the first name afterwards. But, better for a child to be too polite at first than too informal/rude. I know I always like it when a younger person calls me Ms. Last Name (though I still look over my shoulder to see if my mom is there). I think it shows they've been taught some manners. I can then just easily tell them call me First Name. But, I know some adults who would be quite offended if a child immediately called them by their first name.
I think you and Diplowhat are on the right track. If you're not sure, especially if they're older or you don't know them well, default to Mr./Mrs./Ms. Lastname and let them offer the first name.
But I'd think most people of our age/generation will go with first name anyway. I certainly wouldn't expect Attilla to call me Ms. Huis, but to definitely use my first name.
I always called neighbors and my friend's parents Mrs/Mr until I became older. It's still hard to call my best high school friend's parents by their first names but it also seems silly to still call them Mrs/MR. :) I agree with Diplowhat up there...better to be too formal as a youngster than too familiar. And the elder can then call the shots.
I do have to say thought it was really weird to be called ma'am when I was living in Georgia. I was only 26!
As much as I am freaked out at the prospect of being Mrs. D, I think we will be teaching Sprout to say Mrs. Last name for people we don't know, friends parents, etc. You can always start with more formal and then give a little when appropriate. I think it is hard to start informal and then expect formality. My parents were very informal (even I called them by first names not mom & dad), and it put me in some awkward situations.
That being said, for right now her teachers at daycare are all Miss or Mr First name. For now, I think that informality is important since they are her care givers more than they are her teachers.
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